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This article was printed once no longer allowed the magazine FHM, Russian - Georgian war for the occasion. It's been six years, and its recommendations remain relevant to all of Russia 's neighbors . I therefore venture to submit it again , a little drafting. By the way , this is just changed the demographic data from Russia in 2010 . Census . All the rest - left as well. So ...
We all know the phrase Tiutchev the Russian mind do not realize . The biggest problem is that they just do not realize also successfully than spleen or buttocks . What would be easy if we could our minds, spleen and buttocks used for other purposes , provided that Russia will move somewhere else? Loosen so many inefficient use of real estate , the world would become calmer and more sighs nation that wants to liberate the Russians forever .
The starting point
Russia 's largest state by area in the world -17,075,400 square kilometers , according to the population of only 144 million . , What constitutes a mere 2.13% of general population of the planet . (8-9 in the world along with Nigeria) . In terms of population density of 8 per square kilometer Dusi , Russia ranks 220 - 21 from the rear ! How come you did not see the area to yourself atsirėžė hungrily , but the problem is much more to the world than in the same population density table located next to Gabon or Iceland . The conclusion is simple : the Russians occupy a lot of space and are useful as high -gooders around the world , some kind of mission -bearers , just to give way to others in the same pasispausdami modest land. If Bangladesh with 158 million inhabitants are able to live on 144 000 square kilometers, it is the Russians , with their experience of three generations of a family huddle 35 m2 komunalkėse could certainly find another place on the planet , or even the solar system.
Sahara desert
Why there ? Anyway completely unused area of Algeria , Morocco , Egypt , Chad , Niger , etc., a total of 9 100 000 km2 . Pretty good option , because first, the place pretty much ( even for Russia moved there probably are still in place and the Bedouin camels ) , second in the wilderness , as told by one character from Ilfo and Petrov "The Golden Calf" is " talentless phenomenon ", ie not what the desert live, grow , thrive , word, even the Russians would make a serious effort to live it . Russians move to the middle of the Sahara desert are useful in the sense that they at least have some time to be quite isolated from the rest of the world . Bedouins may have time to get away from them , and foxes and cobras are not counted . However, knowing that the Russians are deeply rooted ( according to Bali Sruogos " Forest of the Gods " from Latvian but you can die , and the cellar against any recovery pills ), that after a few years they can turn south and start bringing in sub-Saharan African nations, they are difficult to understand the mission . As Africans we are in trusting people , but are managed quite angry dude , this may result in a serious collision . But ultimately atkatų system would entrench the fertile areas of the Gulf of Guinea - where Gerhard Schroeder with good atkatu can take this kind of cake Džubajų Mumbai . Instead, at least in Europe for some time to be quiet.
Problem : Sahara is nothing to steal ( unless the sand ) , there is no water , so you have to talk about vodka. Russian part is much stronger today now gladly banging after Turkey, Egypt resorts and are used to heat other parts are not so lucky , pretty harsh living conditions. Therefore, the Sahara Russians should live in two shifts - one more awakened , the day when the desert heat , while others passed through only the resorts and sanatoria " Izumrud , at night , when the temperature drops significantly .
As there lure : The big problem that can be resolved vodka . Because according to Mr Bender shaman can be expelled from the stool or mulberry, is the current state of scientific achievements should not be hard to do and a beige samagonas (after all, can modern science of DNA cloned sheep kakos the whole ram on the very things they quarrel all the priests ) . Word of sand and a lot of vodka in the Valley, just need a bit of brisket as the head of the receive pure sand expelled. By the way , as a few years ago wrote furiously " Lithuanian Morning" about our own local foodies, sand can be a great snack .
Antarctica
Why there ? And why not? In 1961 . international agreements on Antartkties of all parties and the peaceful use of prohibited sixth continent selfishly appropriating the Russians enough of breaking all kinds of contracts that fall asleep at night because . In particular , there is much cold as Siberia. Second, the Antarctic area is 14 000 000 km2 - the Russians would easily fit there as they say "it a song ." Third, the Russians could successfully spread " their mission penguins who are docile birds and nesiparina to resist what the Estonians and Lithuanians ungrateful . After all, the Russians need someone to vent their material soul and know that someone loves them , no matter forcibly . Penguins are a perfect fit , tells what Zadornov penguin put his head on the chest of the Russian soul , the Russian mission, how ungrateful the mulch Europeans (especially PriBalt ) and penguin watching Romi eyes sakančiomis " Give me herring and I have to accept everything ." In addition to Russia quite successfully isolated from the rest of the world . The nearest civilization patches - Argentina, Chile, South , a good piece of flies among icebergs for some time really is pretty quiet.
Problem : First of all, even if the Penguins Romi adopted Russian settlers and nesipriešintų Russian love, after some time the Russians would still begin to suspect that something Rezgui penguins and that Mother Russia is surrounded by enemies . Then disappear as anything else distributed Russian passports to any one species of penguins such . royal penguins . Penguins , of course, passports taken for what they are , Herring brings things together does not pick up the passport ? Then the Russians begin to explain that the Imperial Penguins takes food from the royal penguins, but they are required to protect their citizens. And so begins the great Antarctic war , ethnic cleaning of penguins from one place to another. After which, the Russian president proudly say that the aggressor punished and order restored . In other words, naturalists can not believe that after time the Antarctic fauna population irreversible change , and the remaining penguins start to drink.
As there lure ? Probably should apipašyti penguins swastikas , and publish such pafotografuoti lenta.ru to Antarctica fascists raise their heads , wants to rewrite history. By the way , according to a monochromatic image of penguins in their daub SS officer would be really easy . And even then the Russians themselves subėgtų .
The Arctic Ocean continental shelf
Why there ? The Arctic Ocean is almost completely covered with ice , the land is not available, perhaps because there's no one who does not live long . Exclusively white bears and seals . However, as already proved DIARCHY staff , ice and ice can be very successful in life and even made a business out of the turn . Instead, unoccupied space - 14,056,000 km2 , almost identical to the Russian area ! A year ago, the Russians launched another bizarre epic , immersed submarine of the Russian flag, and it has built itself the North Pole, but it appears that built much like Winnie the Pooh, is not quite the place ... The Russians could smell the oil in the Arctic ( the last time somehow very least, their sense of smell after the development because previously only vodka in the distance felt ) and stated that the North Pole is the territory of the Russian continental shelf parts . As always , all the other Danes , Canadians , Americans , appeared in "total idiots and did not believe . This problem can be addressed simply - give them to the North Pole, let hangs , but with one condition - let 's moving there and cherish your land , 're sorry , ice cream.
Problem : The news that Russia can not survive without alcohol distilleries , but in recent Operation enthusiastic raise the temperature starts to melt glaciers. This could increase the level of the World Ocean , and to which the Dutch need to emerge from the kitchen to the bedroom with bots . On the other hand, we would only Genie. Well maybe a little Klaipeda flooded , but that's why Rusnė a true Venice of the North and its people to earn more from tourism than from transporting cigarettes from one bank of the Neman to another.
As there lure : The simplest and tested Estonian patented method: should only be built in North Pole bronze soldier monument - deliverer , and then declare that the monument is moved 10 meters to the next location. The Russians once it is adopted as a revanchist mood resuscitation themselves sulėktų .
moon
Why there ? Ask a Russian , as she is most proud of , and you are guaranteed to express the Gagarin , Laika , and Strielka Bielka . Because if not swaps Westerners with jeans , The Beatles and Coke , at the conquest of space epic Russia always gone ahead. At the time any more advanced nations less kids in schools , wrote that wants to grow up to become lawyers, policemen and priests of the Russian children principled claimed he wanted to be astronauts . Later savage capitalism a little guidance subjaurojo children began to express a desire to become hired killers in and other " BANDITSKIJ Peterburg " characters , but the thrust of Russia space disappeared. Also, the moon is completely unoccupied area , almost like a virgin lands , which once encouraged Khrushchev to absorb Briežnevu has a lot of minerals , even helium -3 fusion reactions required , so you can not say that Russia has proposed completely useless option. Another advantage of the Earth's satellite - once the cult children's writer N. Nosov already wrote the epic poem " Newbies on the Moon ," which persuasively described the Moon liberation from capitalism, the proletarian revolution in the way , so the first step to make the theoretical space has been made to the Russian spirit .
Problem : There is no atmosphere on the moon . One side of the chainring facing away from the sun and cold in there forever . In another, a muzzle -facing the sun, terribly hot. Moon affects the Earth tides, and knowing V. Zhirinovsky intimidation somehow terrible geo-tectonic weapons, which , they say , the Russians are already invented , they can take blackmail - if neeksportuosit us oxygen , we will sugadinsim floods .
As there lure ? Nothing is easier. China and the United States announced that about 2020, going again to fly to the moon , but perhaps the Russians , this message has passed through the ear , because at that time violently debating who is the best footballer in the world - Pele , Maradona and maybe Aršavinas . It should be just wider spread this message of the Russian intelligentsia , and countless Soyuz and Progress spacecraft will fly in the sky densely than curses at NATO .
Lake Baikal
Why there ? Therefore , it is the deepest and oldest freshwater body in the world . It contains a fifth of the world's fresh water reserves, while the Russians endlessly like everything is the deepest , largest and best . The Russians recently, on June 29, tried to reach the deepest fresh water immersion record with a mini -submarine ( probably one of those that keep their networks would find marveled Swedish border ) , and even declared that it has reached the bottom, the depth of 1637 , but later it turned out that a little apsimelavo ( no surprise ) , and was second only to 1580 meters depth. However, the latter would be enough to accommodate all of the Russian population . Baikal volume - 23,000 cubic kilometers, and 144 million . Russia's population will fit into even the much lower . Of course , citizens should grow gills , but the Russian visionary A. Beļajevs has long described the process of "human - amphibian , it remains to this practice.
Problem : Two -thirds of Lake Baikal , and is now located near the 1700 Flora and fauna are unique. Given Russia's contribution to the global environment , it is likely that it will soon reduce this number by half , which can greatly take offense proclaimed UNESCO World Heritage Site lake . Another eye virkdantis thing is that the main liquid water is Lake Baikal , which can užsikaisti unless tea , do as the Russians themselves say , "tea - not vodka, misses a lot ."
As there lure ? In spite of all curses sent to America , Russia somehow very jealous stares Jankai and begins to trample did tap only if it manages to keep a pass. Maybe they do not know that Baikal contains more water than all the American Great Lakes combined ? Need to wait for them to say and what will be.
Siberia
Why there ? Otherwise Siberia and now belongs to Russia . Russians like to explain that their civilization is neither east nor west , some supposedly unique mix . It is strange why they did not implement fully and nonvolitional themselves somewhere outside the Ural mountains, where they could blend their successful implementation nekišdami the others. In addition, the Russians are very proud of the colonization of Siberia , about what can witness every Soviet pupil , whose ears were išūžtos stories about Jermak , Jerofejų Chabarovą and Semion Dežniovą . Surprisingly only to colonize the land , they usually tried other hand , there's a variety to Russia sending guilty people free will because there's few who traveled . Instead, the area is simply huge - 77 percent of the whole territory of Russia , and moved behind the Ural mountains , even the Russians would not feel the change of residence . In addition, Russia harvested cruel trick on future enemies. Swedish King Charles XII , Napoleon Bonaparte , Adolf Hitler , all these citizens would be happy to co- tour guide " Russian roads and distances : they go nx . And imagine if those distances further extension ? Some traveled to the Urals to learn that this is just a starting point ? Nothing against Russia again posed a sword .
Problem : Part of the oil money išpendėjusių not you will want to leave the Russian Rubliovką " Moscow City" and other elaborate holes. Others are in their atsėdėję Vorkuta , Kolyma and the other still prašmatnėse holes and an invitation to move to Siberia perceive as ordinary imprisonment. Surprised and perhaps surprised , but there is nothing to rejoice .
How to lure them there ? But if the same could be Abramovich governor of Chukotka , is what ordinary mortals could not they be ? Just Siberia should be divided into many small micro- and each of the provinces of a Russian, depending on the thickness of the purse , to divide the province . That which gets richer square kilometer , where the less - 10 sqm. meters. It would be a law and order - every governor , and to satisfy the ego and inferiority complex that nas nieuvažajūt .
http://www.pinigukarta.lt/blog/kolumnistai/kur-kisti-rusija
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